It's the journey not the destination

After many years of yoga practice--at times more focused than others--today, I performed my first unassisted (i.e., without the help of a teacher lifting my legs into the air and above my head) handstand (Adho Mukha Vrksasana). I have repeatedly told myself that the absence of upper body strength would forever prevent me from doing so even though most observers said that this had nothing to do with it. Of course, I've been advised that "it's all in my head," but found this hard to believe.

A classmate recently recommended fixing my eyes on a point on the wall ahead of me once in the prep position, i.e., my arms extended onto the floor below and in front of my torso with my hands and fingers spread open wide and legs extended just behind me; downward dog position (Adho Mukha Svanasana) with the primary variation of inching the legs slowly toward the torso until that sweet spot is hit which forces the legs up into the air, over the head, and onto the wall behind. She said that when you fix your eyes ahead, it forces you "into the moment," and something almost magical happens when you remain present, forgetting about the stress of potentially falling on your head or the victory of making it up on your own. Today, I thought of her advice about fixing my eyes onto a point across the room while looking at the world upside down and the next thing I knew I was up in the air as though lifted by some otherworldly force that had nothing to do with upper body strength.

Yesterday, I heard a senior teacher say that the end result is not the point in yoga: it's the process that matters, the process of getting there, and that's why the correct position is much more important than actually achieving the goal, e.g., like getting your legs in the air on your own or having the palms of both hands flattened to the ground in Uttanasana (a type of forward bend). She also reminded her students: dont' let the ego be the teacher, the end result shouldn't be the driver. It's not the destination, it's the journey.

That may be why in the second round, armed with an overly-entitled and premature sense of confidence and with the singular goal of getting back into full arm balance position on my own, I couldn't do the pose. I tried a third time with the same result. That was it, one time up on my own and no more. In retrospect, my positioning (for getting into the actual position) was too careless and inexact, I lost sight of that point across the room, and forgot to stay in the moment fixing instead on the sole reward of independently lifting my feet over my head so that I could watch the world upside down while it watched me.

A parable of sorts, no? Does it ever really work to be guided by the reward and not the process? When we lose sight of the moment or remove ourselves from the present, do we ever feel truly victorious, i.e., content? Fortunately, we don't have to stray too far to be reminded of this only to recognize our own humanity with all of its limitations and imperfections and to force us back on course towards the destination but not at it. I don't expect to see the world upside down again any time soon, at least not by getting there on my own, and, until that time, I'll try my best to remain focused on the process (whatever it happens to be and in whatever circumstance I happen to be in), keep my ego in check, be brave despite the outcome. It's the journey not the destination afterall.